but it was way too funny not to post!!
100 Acre Personality Quiz
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
16 November 2007
09 October 2007
18 April 2007
Answer of All Answers
The following is an actual question given on a University of Liverpool chemistry final exam. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's law that gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed or some variant.One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that, if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go toHell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number ofsouls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell. Because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay constant, the volume of Hell must expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Sandra during my freshman year, that "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is endothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is extinct....leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being - which explains why, last night, Sandra kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's law that gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed or some variant.One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that, if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go toHell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number ofsouls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell. Because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay constant, the volume of Hell must expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Sandra during my freshman year, that "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is endothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is extinct....leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being - which explains why, last night, Sandra kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
05 April 2007
31 March 2007
15 November 2006
Stupid Humor for Hump Day
What do you get if you cross the Lone Ranger with an insect?
The Masked-quito!
The Masked-quito!
Good Pedigree
The lil' Columbia, Maryland Yuppette was shopping in an upscale pet center. "I want a dog of which I can be proud," she told the salesman. "Does that one have a good pedigree?"
"Miss," declared the clerk, "if she could speak, she wouldn't talk to either one of us."
Have a happy Hump Day... today is actually my Friday - woo hoo!! Sometimes we all just need a little stupid humor to make it through the day. Much love and be good poppets while I'm gone!
12 November 2006
Animal Truisms
- I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult?
- If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket then giving Fido only two of them.
- In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.
- No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.
- Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.
- Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.
- Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
- We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view: why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls?
- When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
- Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
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